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Slacklustre

Mr. Fisher
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I haven't updated the journal in ages, so much so that I think if I left it any longer it would be declared legally dead, and I can't afford to pay for a funeral.

Today I had to go to Parent's Evening, and my Mum agreed with me that my Physics teacher is incompetent (He called me the wrong name and I had to correct him on it. I think he was properly bricking his pants at that point)and that my Biology teacher wasn't a particularly nice person. Coincidentally, those are the only 2 lessons with any real complaints about anything. Everything else was fine, especially DT, where I managed to get 93% on a higher tier paper that required 65% for a top grade, meant for year 11s and I only had 3/4 of the time that I usually would, if I was in year 11.

Which was nice. I suppose I should act really really smugly after this. Smugsmugsmugsmugsmug.

Few other glowing reports. Some said that I should think about the subject for A level. I had to resist the urge to laugh boisterously and shout "I shall grant you this pittance, fine mentor!" before waltzing off to the next appointment. I didn't get a Chemistry appointment, because my Chemistry teacher just doesn't give a damn about anything.

Nothing much else to report, I suppose.
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Recently I have started putting down my thoughts on this massive notepad I got for Christmas. It had something like 800 pages to fill in, so, you know, I thought I might as well put my thoughts down. Strangely enough most of them consist of complete and utter surrealist crap. Some of them are a bit wierd, but that isn't a surprise if these are coming out of my mind.

I think I'll get to the point now.

Basically, I was thinking about putting up all these up as some form of webcomic deep within the bowels of the internet. Then I would spread this stuff around using an account set up on StumbleUpon. Then possibly I might rule the world, but that's only a secondary objective. After all, it worked out fine for xkcd, didn't it?
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Well, it's near Christmas, so I thought I'd give you my favourite Christmas carol. It is called the Spirit of Crimbo, made by Zack Johnson.

    "I can't stand Crimbo!" yelled Swizzle, the elf,
    "it's the worst time of year, if I say so myself!"
    And his words echoed deep through the space-time continuum
    And woke up the Spirit of Crimbo to tend to 'em.

    "I'm Rodney, a reindeer, a misfit like you!
    Trust me when I say that I hate Crimbo, too!
    "Let's have an adventure, just you and just me,
    We'll be the very best friends there can be!"

    "I must leave Crimbo Town; it's not safe," Swizzle said,
    Sassy's eyes filled with tears, so he patted her head.
    "Don't worry. Trust no one. I love you. Goodbye."
    Swizzle turned and walked out with a tear in his eye.

    Swizzle the Elf squinted hard through the blizzard
    gripping the ground with his toes, like a lizard.
    He saw a strange sight you've not seen, I suppose:
    a snowman, blowing his orange carrot nose.
    "I'b Sduffy the Sdowmab," the snowman declaimed,
    "and briging back your Cribbo Spirit's my aib."

    Swizzle the Elf said, "but Crimbo's lost touch,"
    "When it was all about giving, I didn't mind much
    "But now it's about getting, and I don't like that."
    With a swipe of his arm, Snuffy knocked him down flat.
    "That's treason you're talking," he said, "so desist
    "Or you'll be on the business end of my fists."

    "Hi, Swizzle, I'm back!" Rodney Reindeer appeared,
    But the look in his eyes was a little bit weird.
    "What's wrong, my old friend?" Asked Swizzle, the elf.
    "Nothing's wrong! I feel great! I'm in perfect health!
    But Swizzle, I think our Crimbo hate was wrong,
    "Listen! Snuffy the Snowman will sing you a song."

    How could you hate Crimbo?" the snowman opined,
    "'Tis a wonderful, magical, funderful time!"
    And he pulled out a banjo and strummed out a tune,
    And the birds and the squirrels all came near him to croon.

    "I just don't like Crimbo! I can't make it more clear!"
    Shouted Swizzle the Elf to Rodney Reindeer.
    "Well, I suppose we can't reason with you," Rodney said,
    "So I must change your mind with a hoof to the head."

    "Sassy loves me!' said Swizzle, "Rodney Reindeer, you lie!"
    "Do you think so?" Said Rodney, "you're one trusting guy.
    "I'm sure you can trust her, I'm sure she's the best,
    "But who do you think gave us your new address?
    "She's in the next cell, believe me, it's true,
    "We'll chat with her when we're finished with you."

    "So, you like dentistry, you pathetic young waif?"
    Snuffy Snowman smirked "Tell me, then, elf is it safe?"
    And he picked up the drill, and it let out a whine,
    "Is it safe?" Snuffy said, "I will ask one more time."

    "Now how do you feel about Crimbo? The truth!"
    Swizzle turned his head slowly, then spat out a tooth.
    "I still can't stand Crimbo," he muttered, defiant.
    "I don't care what you say, I will not be compliant."
    "Very well," said Snuffy the Snowman, enraged,
    "Rodney Reindeer! Go get the rats out of the cage."

    "No, please, don't do that," Swizzle shouted, "not that!
    "I swear, I love Crimbo, please put down that rat!"
    And Snuffy the Snowman grinned a cold grin.
    I can see that you're almost about to give in,
    "But I'm not quite convinced, and besides, this rat's starved.
    "Perhaps it could use a nice elf face to carve!"

    No! Please, god, no!" shouted Swizzle the Elf.
    "Put the rats upon her! Hell, I'll do it myself!"
    And as he said that, something broke in his mind,
    And his hatred of Crimbo began to unwind.
    He collapsed to the floor, babbling like a bimbo,
    Tears filled his eyes as he said "I love Crimbo."
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?

1 min read
Status problem: Unable to connect to Sony Ericson hardware. Options: Yes or No.

What?
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I have no bloody idea what the hell people are talking about when they witter on about 'I'm a Celebrity Get Me Outta Here!', so I am going to assume that people like Jordan for her looks but think she is getting irritating because of all the media coverage.

She is looking to get back Peter because she will win his heart, if what I hear has been understood correctly, but to be honest, he is a stupid git, and she is as well if she thinks she can get him back this way, she is pretty much the same... However, she came on there for a reason unlike most of the others, I'm assuming, so I admire her for that.

However, most importantly, the show is a pile of shite that sadists will probably jerk off to in their spare time. Even then they will be put off by the appearance of Ant and Dec, and their smug gittish faces. The other people generally tend to be bellends only interested in themselves, complete retards with no idea of why it's a bit hot all of a sudden and who all these strange people are.

Though to be fair, no-one ever knows of the people who appears on there anyway. I'm pretty sure that extras from Eastenders are more acceptable national celebrities than half of these people. I wouldn't be surprised if they actually did start putting on extras from Eastenders on there next. Just so people will have a vague clue who the people they are voting for actually are.

Then there is the stereotyping... Oh god, the stereotyping. As I said, it's the bellends, the idiots, and there are the sassy women, then the hiiiiiiiilarious one they added in for a laugh, then there is a single bloke who actually seems alright. That didn't happen in the first version of Big Brother, oh no. The first one was proper, with ordinary people and if there were stereotypical, it was a trait that the producers had failed to notice. It was good and proper. Not like now, with shitty predictable people. This makes me sick, it honestly does.

X Factor? As if Simon Cowell wasn't as much of a reason to not watch it, they had to add Dannii Minogue in there for good measure. As if she has any musical talent whatsoever. Her face is so plastic you could probably sand it down and she wouldn't feel a damn thing. All those talentless wastes of space that go on there... They have about one song being produced, then they disappear into the shadows. That's pathetic! There is no point in going on there! You will fade into obscurity in moments, no-one remembers your name. Bloody waste of programming. As if ITV didn't have enough shit programmes without Cowell getting his oozing smugness all over it.

And I don't know if you have noticed but barely anyone ever watches the entirity of the series. Think about it. At the start, you get the likes of Dave Hemsley, a man willing to be laughed at on live TV and be mocked by the pupils of my school for all eternity. Oh wait, I forgot. People don't remember anything from previous series. Anyway, they watch the start for all the funny ones that come on. Then they have the contest, and people say that the songs are beautiful and people stop paying attention. Then there is the grand finale, and many people tune in for the tension in the air, and the excitement floating around.

Also, this year they have these people called John and Edward. They have shit hairdos. 'Nuff said.

And so the rant hath ceased. You may continue.
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